Toddler Troubles
by strawberryfinn
Summary: Zack and Cody have to babysit for Tapeworm's nieces and nephews. One's Harry Potter, one's Pikachu, one's a princess, and one's a dinosaur. Rather hilarious R & R please!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note**: I do _not _own _The Suite Life of Zack and Cody_ or the characters Zack, Tapeworm, Cody, or Esteban. I do own all the other characters. Well… sort of. The people in this story are sort of real… well, the toddlers are. Well, you'll get it. Read and review, please.

"Dude," muttered Zack, glancing at Cody. "_How _did we get here again?"

A girl wearing a pink frilly tutu rushed past Cody. Cody flinched. "We're helping Tapeworm, remember? We're taking them to that water park that just opened."

"Oh," Zack looked down at his feet. "_How _many cousins did Tapeworm have again?"

"Only four," Cody said, turning to look at his brother. "And they're not his cousins—they're his nephews and nieces."

"_How _does he have nephews and nieces already?" Zack wanted to know.

"He has like three older sisters, remember? They're all like twenty something already, and they have kids! Now, let's go help Tapeworm."

The twins approached their friend, who looked more stressed than usual, running his hand through his dark hair. He looked like he was going to go crazy, not that that was unusual for Tapeworm, but he looked even more distressed than Cody and Zack were used to.

When Tapeworm was aware of the twins standing next to him, he looked up. "Oh thank God, it's you. You can help me now."

"Yeah." Zack stopped, looking at his friend. "Esteban's outside. _Why _did we need Esteban again?"

"Someone needs to _drive _them over there," Tapeworm said, explaining breathlessly as he grappled with one of his nephews. "I mean, unless you can drive."

"Oh," Zack looked thoughtfully skyward. "I get it."

He stood there for a minute, but was attacked from behind by a small kid wearing a yellow suit. "What?"

"Alex!" yelped Tapeworm, jumping at the kid who had now knocked Zack to the ground and was jumping up and down on his back. Tapeworm fastened his arms around the kid's torso and pulled him off, dropping him to the ground.

"What was _that?_" Zack asked breathlessly, bringing himself to his feet. "There was just a flash of yellow and…" he trailed off as he watched Tapeworm struggling to pull the kid off him.

"I guess…" panted Tapeworm, who had now successfully managed to yank his arm from the kid's grasp. "I better introduce you to my nieces and nephews."

"Would you mind pulling this one off me?" asked Cody, who was looking frantically down at the girl in the tutu. She was holding hard onto his hand.

"Fig, come on," Tapeworm said exasperatedly, grabbing onto her sticky hand and pulling her to the center of the room. "What did I tell you about that?"

"He's my prince," announced the girl.

"This is Fig," Tapeworm said tiredly, pointing at the small girl. She had dark brown hair, which was rather long for such a little kid. Her brown eyes were interested and full of light as they darted around the room. She was wearing a frilly pink tutu and a pink top to go with it, along with a pink tiara. "She's Vanessa's—you remember Vanessa, right? Well, Fig's her daughter. Don't ask me about the name… Vanessa always liked fruit for some reason. One thing about Fig," his voice dropped to a whisper. "She thinks she's a princess, and if you say she's not, then you're in trouble. And she chooses a prince like every day, so I guess it's Cody today. I've been declared the knight, so that means that Zack's the jester."

Fig pulled her hand out of Tapeworm's grasp and ran over to Cody, hugging him hard around the waist. "You're Prince _Charming_. I _love _you."

Cody grimaced, looking at Tapeworm. Tapeworm shrugged. "Hey, I have to deal with it about every week, ok?"

"_Kiss _me," demanded Fig. She puckered up her lips and stomped her foot on the ground. "Kiss me right _now._"

"Yeah right," muttered Cody, looking away. "Ow!"

Fig kicked him hard in the shin, and Cody bent down to hold his throbbing leg. "What was _that _for little girl?" He looked at Tapeworm, hoping that he'd punish his niece somehow. No luck in that.

"This," said Tapeworm, pulling the kid in the yellow suit into the room, "is Alex. He's Janie's son."

"I'm _not _Alex," retorted the kid, slapping at Tapeworm's hand. "I'm _not! _I'm _Pikachu!_"

"Oh God," said Tapeworm, slapping his hand wearily against his forehead. Zack and Cody had never seen him look so exhausted. "Yeah, ok, _Pikachu._"

"Pokémon! Gotta catch 'em all, Pokémon!" Alex chanted, running around the room in circles. "Pikachu!" His blondish-brownish hair poked out from under the top of the suit with his distinctive black-tipped yellow, pointy ears, and his green eyes were full of excitement. "Pikachu!" Without warning, he ran up to Zack and started belting out a song at the top of his lungs.

_I wanna be the very best, no one ever was.  
To catch them is my real test,  
to train them is my cause.  
I will travel across the land,  
searching far and wide.  
Each Pokémon to understand,  
the power that's inside.  
Pokémon! Gotta catch'em all!   
Yeah you and me.  
I know it's my destiny, Pokémon !  
Oh, you're my best friend,  
in a world we must defend! Pokémon !  
A heart so true.  
Our courage will pull us through!  
You teach me and I'll teach you.   
Po-Ké-Mon, gotta catch 'em all!_

"Do I need to mention what he thinks he is?" asked Tapeworm, arching an eyebrow at Zack who was cowering away from the powerful volume of Alex's voice.

"No, I think I've got that," Zack said, flinching, afraid of what would come next.

"Yeah, ok. _This_," Tapeworm continued, pulling another kid into the circle, "is Ty."

Ty had blonde hair and hazel eyes, which were distorted by a pair of huge round black glasses which had scotch tape all over them. His hair was annoyingly long, as in the way where little kids have long hair at too young of an age. A jagged scar was drawn on his forehead, looking like Magic Marker. He was carrying a broom and waving a stick around, yelling, "_Wingardium Leviosa!"_

"He's Alex's brother, younger by about a year," continued Tapeworm, not seeming to notice the stares that Ty was attracting from Zack and Cody. "He thinks he's Harry Potter."

"I never would have guessed," said Cody through gritted teeth. Fig was still trying to kiss him, and he feared opening his mouth.

Ty waved his wand and a spark came out of it, almost hitting Zack who dodged. There was a loud snap and the wall behind Zack had a huge black mark on it that was oddly smoking.

"_What _was that?" Zack said, his voice shaking.

Tapeworm hadn't even flinched. "Janie's a bit rich. The toys she buys Ty and Alex. They're _real. _Just be careful."

"Pikachu!" exploded Alex, pressing a shocker. Zack leapt up about a foot in the air, and collapsed, fanning his smoking rear end.

"See?" Tapeworm arched an eyebrow. "They're real." He pulled the last kid over to him, who had been biting Cody's leg. "I'll be watching Rose today. She's Samantha's daughter."

Rose had light brown hair and green eyes, resembling her cousins, and she smiled, revealing a set of sharp-looking white teeth. "I'm a _dinosaur._" She was wearing a green suit with spikes jutting out on the back. "Be careful. I _bite._"

"She's not kidding," warned Tapeworm, showing them a bloody hand. "Be careful. Anyway, you've met all of them, how about we get in the car with Esteban now?"

"Hey, where are you parents anyway?" Zack wanted to know.

"They went to have a reunion with their daughters, so I'm baby-sitting," Tapeworm answered shortly, pulling Rose's head off his arm where her teeth had been ferociously ground in.

"Ok," muttered Cody, who was trying to free himself from the grasp of Fig, who now demanded that he call her "Princess Fig." Zack was holding the sticky hands of Alex and Ty, afraid to be shocked again. Tapeworm held hard onto Rose's hand and all of them headed out of the house and towards the driveway, where Esteban lay waiting and unsuspecting.

I got all their permission, I swear. Well, except for Rose, but I'm sure she wouldn't have minded—I asked her, but she didn't get back to me and this story was so fun to write, I had to do it. Review for an update please.

-Finn


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note**: Whoops, I forgot my disclaimer. I don't own _Harry Potter, Pokémon, _dinosaurs, or princesses. If I did, I honestly wouldn't be writing, and I'd be a millionaire instead, living in Beverly Hills. And Rose said it was all good, so it's ok too.

Tapeworm managed to force all his nieces and nephews into the van that his parents had rented. Esteban looked in from the front seat, noting, "Ooh, look at all the little blonde peoples."

Tapeworm was _also _going to force all of the kids into their car seats, but after he got bitten three times by Rose, shocked twice by Alex, demanded to dance around to entertain the Princess Fig, and now had to plan some way to earn money from the hole blown in the window by Ty, he decided against it. He said he'd just let them run around in the car. After all, the water park was only about ten minutes away.

He forced the kids into the car, and then ran to grab a bag inside the house. Pulling it along, he stuffed it in the trunk, away from the grasp of the kids, and entered the car, where Zack and Cody were already sitting down on the bare floor, seeing that they'd removed the seats from the cars, along with the car seats.

"Ok, we can go now Esteban," he said, nodding at Esteban.

Esteban smiled and plugged the keys into the ignition, fastening his seatbelt. He didn't know what to expect.

"So, _why _can't your sisters take care of their kids?" Zack demanded. Alex had just shocked him once again.

"They want to 'treasure their moments once again,'" said Tapeworm exasperatedly. He was getting tired of Zack's bad attitude.

"That's stupid," muttered Cody, sighing in annoyance.

All the sudden, there was silence in the car. The kids, who'd been talking about who was going to beat who on which ride, swiveled their heads around and stared at Cody, their eyes wide and unblinking.

"What?" Cody asked, flinching a bit. Being stared at by four little kids could be rather disturbing.

Ty stared hard at him, his green eyes huge under his dirty glasses. "You said a _bad _word."

"What?" Cody wanted to know, feeling rather uncomfortable.

"The _S _word," piped Alex in an awed voice, his black-tipped pointy ears bugging Cody. "You said the _baddest _word there _is!_"

"_What?"_ Cody was rather horrified. "Since _when _is _stupid _a bad word?"

"Ooh," said Rose, dropping a plastic doll she had been gnawing on. Her eyes widened, and she pointed at Cody. "You said it _again._"

"Oh God," muttered Cody. "Why is this such a big deal? Stupid! See!"

"Uh-oh," said Fig, whose tiara was tilting and almost falling out of her tousled brown hair. She definitely looked most like Tapeworm out of all of them. "Prince Cody's a _bad _boy. What do _bad _boys get?" Somehow she reminded Cody of a mother.

"Time out!" yelped Alex and Ty together. "And a _spanking!_"

There was a flash, and soon all of the toddlers were over Cody, smashing him against the ground, his face buried in the floor.

"Ah!" Esteban exclaimed from the first. "Ay dios mio! What's going on?"

"Just watch the road," ordered Tapeworm, who was now turning to see what the kids were doing.

Rose was jumping up and down on Cody's back, Alex had hold of Cody's right leg, Ty had hold of Cody's left arm, and Fig was booting him over and over again in the rear end.

"_Stupefy!_" yelled Ty, waving his wand around. There was a flash, and Cody's shirt now had a smoking hole in it, as he yelped for help.

"_PIKACHU!_" yelled Alex, shocking Cody hard.

"AAAAAH!" screamed Cody. "It _hurts!_ Help!"

Rose started biting Cody's hand.

"Ouch! Hey! HELP ME! ZACK! TAPEWORM! _ESTEBAN!_"

The car swerved wildly. Fig planted a kiss on Cody's face, even thought he was desperately squirming to get away. There was not much he could do, though, with four kids sitting on top of him. Cody didn't have the same strength as Zack did. All he could do was yelp out pathetic cries for help.

"AAAAAAH! Tapeworm _do _something! You're their _uncle!_"

Tapeworm was standing hopelessly, afraid to get involved. He'd had more experience with his nephews and nieces, and knew when to stay out of it. Zack, however, wasn't so smart.

At fist he'd sat there, staring, and then laughing, finding the entire situation rather hilarious. But even he knew when things were going too far, and besides, his job was to protect his younger twin, even if it was from four toddlers with strange habits.

"GET OFF MY LITTLE BROTHER!" Zack jumped hard on the kids, pulling at Alex's leg. "GET OFF NOW! AAAAAAAH!" Rose chomped hard on his hand. "OWWWWWW!"

"Get off my _brother_ you bully!" piped Ty, waving his stick wand around, with sparks flying out of it. He had the same brother instincts that Zack had. Zack dodged being hit by a pink explosion, and let go of Alex's leg in the process.

Alex turned around and bristled, his eyes furious under his yellow felt suit. "PIKACHU!"

Shocks of electricity exploded in the car, leaving everybody feeling rather dazed and rather silent, looking at the blackened walls around them.

There was silence.

Princess Fig broke it.

"_Kiss _me," she ordered Cody, who was grimacing, seeing that all four of the kids had jumped back on his back.

"Oh my," whispered Esteban, whose hair was standing on an end. The car had stopped its movement, and he let out a sigh of relief. "We're here. And ay dios mio, this job doesn't pay enough."

Review?


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